Here, in my hometown.
I’ve thought nothing of it. I have natural hermit-like tendencies.
Yet today, knowing what’s taking place in Boston, I feel guilty. Those people can’t leave their homes. They’re not allowed. All because of a terrorist threat.
May I never take going outside for granted again.
At half past 3 this morning, I caught myself wondering about the quality of my prayers. As I attempt to go boldly and face my dreams, I notice I’ve been simultaneously excited and scared. Lately when it comes to talking to Jesus I’ve been like a dog chasing its tail. Circle after circle after circle of
“CanIReallyGeeWhizOMyGoshShouldIICan’tBelieveI’mGoingForIT!”
I’m quite certain that if He wasn’t so merciful, My Lord would be rolling His eyes at me.
Within, I feel myself letting go of doubt. After all–don’t I trust God more than that?
I do. That’s why I’ve decided to do my best to change my prayer pattern and ask for discipline. I have several goals up ahead, and worrying won’t help me accomplish them.
Recently I was thinking of the brief discussion I had on this very blog with Dalia regarding prayer. Some of her words called Richard Dawkins to mind.
Now, I don’t mean that as an insult. Dalia is respectful of my beliefs. However I sensed her skepticism. Meanwhile, Dawkins takes his skepticism to a disrespectful extreme.
Lest you have been out of the loop, Dawkins is a scientist author Professional Athiest.
I once tried to read a book of his. I say “tried” because as I stood there in Indigo, after about a minute, I had to put the book down. I couldn’t get past Dawkins’ attitude. In my opinion, his concept of God is grossly inaccurate. Moreover, it’s completely contrary to mine, if not that of virtually every Christian that I know.
From what I read, I gather that Richard Dawkins thinks people believe that God is supposed to be some sort of Sugar Daddy In The Sky. Humans should be able to ask Him for something, and get whatever they want. (“Ask and ye shall receive…”, anyone?) Therefore, because this world is fraught with wars, tragedies, imperfections, and unanswered cries for help, He cannot possibly exist.
Such notions connect to my concept of prayer. I think a lot of people believe that a person prays solely because s/he wants something from God. And so, a person may pray because she wants a high mark on an exam or to have a relative spared from the ravages of disease. If said prayers are not answered, then, supposedly, that shows God’s fallibility. Or, perhaps, He just doesn’t love the pray-er enough to let the prayer (wish) come true. The next thing you know, the pray-er(s) either
1. Curse God. “I follow you. Therefore, you’re supposed to help me!!And since you haven’t, then you can $%*& off!”
or
2. Catch a case of the blues. “God must not love me. There must be something wrong with the way I’ve been praying or how I’ve been living. Because if there wasn’t a problem, He would give me exactly what I asked for.”
As far as I’m concerned, when people pray, they need to think of their motives. Consider what I scrawled down about a week ago:
We pray, not to get our way. Rather, so that whatever the way is, God would guide it.
Or, more specifically, that God would be present. When trials come, it isn’t always easy to see that God is guiding our circumstances.
When praying, we are appealing to the One who holds the universe in His hands. And I am not ignorant concerning the idea of praying for something in faith. Yet when you go deep into Christianity, you learn that a life of devotion to God is not about what He can do for you.
The wonder of His ways is infinite. And I am in awe of God almost incessantly. But that’s not the point.
Or is it?
I am very much in love, spiritually. Still, I feel I am at a loss when it comes to explaining the nuances of what I believe…
That’s how long I want this love to last.
Change is coming. And I don’t mean Barack Obama kind of change. But deep, spiritual, personal, public, and private kind of change. For me, as well as various near and dear ones.
So say a prayer or two if you can. Thank you and God Bless.
Love,
Claire
I have a new job. And I intend to enjoy it while it lasts. 
(I’m not being cynical. 
It’s a short-term position.)
In the past I had prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed about my future in education. Substitute teaching is nice. But to be able to settle down somewhere is even moreso…
And then I stopped fretting, realizing that God knows what I need. When the time comes for my dream-job to arrive, it will if it’s His will.
I find that God is teaching and testing me all the way through. All of my friends tell me that it gets better with time. But that First Teaching Job can really throw you for a loop. And make you feel as though you’re going insane.
I can relate. Seriously. I feel as though I’m in one of those “Be Careful What You Pray For” sequences…
What do I pray for in 2008?
That I may continue to die to self and grow in Christ. That I may continue this pursuit of life as His instrument.
That’s all I want. Last year, He got me started on a journey. This year, I pray that the saga continues.
For there is nothing sweeter to the soul than getting to know God. And nothing more thrilling than seeing where He leads…
A wise man, Paul, once talked about us doing the very things that we know we shouldn’t.
I do it. You do it. Everybody does it.
Yet there are some things that I will never understand.
Why do we hurt each other? Why? What good does it do? What god does it serve?
I’m supposed to go out tonight. In fact, I’m supposed to be there right now…
But instead something is weighing heavily on my mind. I think I’m gonna go buy a snack, come back home…Followed by some prayer and Bible reading.
These are the things that speak to my soul…
