I belong to a board that has a section where people post about random elements of their lives, relationships, and such.
The other night I was checking things out. Someone had posted about a friend. From what I recall, said friend had a man who expected her to change–lose weight, etc.
At the end of her post, the woman who wrote asked…
…what are the limits you place on changing yourself, not just physically, maybe even personality wise or career choice in order to be with a man that you really do love? While in most cases, it’s ridiculous to even consider, I do believe there are some situations, especially when it’s beneficial to yourself as well, to make some changes. What do ya’ll think?
There were plenty of common-sense responses that I agreed with. Yet I couldn’t resist offering my take on the issue…
The only reason that I could conceive of for losing weight would be my health. And as noble of a reason as that may be, I would have to be my own motivator. Not the whining or demands of my partner.
Here’s the thing that gets me…
These days some people are so desperate to hook up, they will settle for someone who is kinda-sorta what they want (50-60%) and try to change them–or be changed by them–instead of looking for someone who is a better match. (Say 80-95% compatible. I’ve left 100% out of the picture–something in me isn’t yet sure of the likelihood of finding someone whose tastes match my own so completely. I also seriously doubt that I want to mate with a male version of myself.)
Anyways…In the change process, people wind up extending themselves beyond the limits of who God wanted them to be.
(That’s my theory. I hear about it often…Meanwhile, hooking up simply for the sake of curing loneliness just wastes time.)
Yet who’s to say that if people just wait a little longer, they might come across someone who they were truly meant to be with. Someone who accepted them for their authentic selves…
Look. I won’t deny it. I’m a growing
girlwoman. In fact, I strongly believe that the next couple of years of my life are going to be…Interesting. But I’m old enough to have certain likes and dislikes. And there are certain things that…If I did them…Just would not make me me.
I had a recent epiphany which made me all the more comfortable with the idea of getting to know me as I am. OP, it seems like your friend could use a similar awakening.
As a bit of an addendum, I wrote…
Seriously, I am…ME!! 😀 These days when it comes to people-pleasing, I’m only willing to go so far.
It’ll be interesting to see in the future whether or not I change my mind.