claire.she.goes

Category: Books

  • Book Review: Becoming Flawsome

    Book Review: Becoming Flawsome

    When I was first given the opportunity to review Becoming Flawsome, I was intrigued. The author, Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, is the co-founder of Mindvalley, an organization which is, “the world’s most powerful life transformation platform”.

    Becoming Flawsome encourages its readers to, “overcome perfectionism and self-doubt by unapologetically embracing your fully awesome self—flaws and all”. And as I embarked on reading the book, I was hopeful. Who doesn’t want to learn something new about accepting themselves completely?

    Yet as I read, I felt a mix of emotions. Theoretically, I agreed with Mand-Lakhiani’s premise. Yet while reading some sections, I found myself disagreeing with what she had to say. In others, I felt as though she had covered territory that I was already familiar with. And both of these sentiments influenced my perspective on her work.

    Certain chapters such as “Self-Care vs Self Love” may or may not resonate with readers. Therein, Mänd-Lakhiani makes an interesting case for a distinction between the two, noting that, “Self-care is about surviving, while self-love is about thriving.” (192)

    That said, the examples that I’m about to discuss are indicative of some of the issues that I had with this book.

    In the chapter entitled “A New Life” Mänd-Lakhiani tells her readers that, “Your only moral duty is to be happy and at peace with yourself”. Initially, I disagreed with this sentiment. I was concerned that her idea could be interpreted as one that promoted living selfishly. Truly, after a time, doing so can take its toll on your happiness and peace of mind.

    In fact, I spent a portion of that chapter contemplating what the author may have meant regarding people’s “moral duty”. That is, until she eventually touched on the familiar idea that we ought to be careful as we aim to help others, because we can’t pour from an empty cup.

    Those aren’t Mänd-Lakhiani’s exact words. But in self-help circles, they represent a widely-understood sentiment: You cannot hope to adequately help others, without making sure that your essential needs are met first. Yet she took time getting to this point, and once this segment of Becoming Flawsome was through, I found myself wondering why she hadn’t revealed this conclusion sooner.

    Within this chapter, Mänd-Lakhiani also made a rather generalized statement about giving to others: “The world would be so much more of a better place if, instead of giving to charity out of guilt and obligation, we did good out of a sense of justice, unity, equality, and our own level of abundance.” (228) At this point, I couldn’t quite relate to her words. As far as I’m concerned, there are plenty of people who give to others out of love and a sense of altruism. In my mind, that is the norm, as opposed to the negative factors which she mentioned.

    Nevertheless, one of Becoming Flawsome’s most salient points was made on page 188, via a paraphrased statement by Marisa Peer. “You are enough” is a popular sentiment in the self-help arena. And Mänd-Lakhiani wondered whether or not people risked becoming immobile or complacent because they put too much faith in the idea. Yet Peer had another perspective, explaining that “You lie back on your sofa doing nothing, not because you think that you are good enough, but the opposite—you do that because you are afraid that you are not enough. It is a fear of failure, of not being good enough, that prevents you from going out and exposing yourself to the world, doing something courageous and meaningful…” (188)

    In Becoming Flawsome’s final chapters, the author makes a point which I feel overall addressed my journey with this book: “What works for some may not work for others.” (258) Its most fundamental tenet revolves around encouraging readers to develop authentic self-acceptance. Yet this is not an unpopular notion. Hence, if you’ve heard this sort of messaging before, much of Becoming Flawsome may seem familiar.

    Ultimately, I remain divided in my thoughts on this book. Becoming Flawsome touches on some information that falls under the self-help genre’s fundamentals. And when you’re beginning your self-help journey, it can be beneficial to have a basic foundation. Yet if you have already read these types of books, you may find that it covers familiar territory.

    Photo provided by Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani’s team.

  • Will: The Review

    Now this is a story

    all about how

    destiny, it took a player

    straight out to Tinsel Town.

    He grew right up 

    a superstar,

    a man beyond compare.

    Philly raised—but some first saw him

    as the Prince of Bel Air.

    Will Smith’s story has a before and after, of course. But as I read Will, the Fresh Prince theme kept coming to my head.

    Written by Will Smith with the help of Mark Manson, Will is a study in success. I honestly enjoyed it. As I read it, I found it hard not to naturally hear Will Smith’s voice in my head. The only thing that would have made my experience better is if I’d picked up the audio version. 

    Speaking of audio, I couldn’t resist sharing this…

    Within Will‘s pages you’ll learn Will’s history, from his humble—and at times strained—beginnings in Philadelphia. And of course, you’ll learn the truth behind the highs and lows of Will’s career. 

    Most notably there’s the story of how he became The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Will’s already talked about it on YouTube. But Heaven knows, as a reader, Quincy Jones’ “NO PARALYSIS THROUGH ANALYSIS!!” left a mark. How many magical opportunities do we kill each and every day through overthinking?

    You will read about Will’s family life, including his marriage. If—when someone mentions Will and Jada—salacious, TMZ-fueled ideas come to mind, get them out of your head. Apart from one brief allusion to sexytime, in Will, Will shares some genuinely impactful insigts from his and Jada’s relationship.  

    You’ll ultimately learn how he met Scoty—a Trinidadian friend who’s appeared in Will’s videos. The revelations from Will’s time in the Caribbean warmed my heart. They also sparked my curiosity. Will’s description of his island epiphanies and encounters drew me in.  And as someone with Trinidadian heritage, I genuinely enjoyed reading about places that I need to explore. 

    In the latter half of the book, there’s a point where Smith’s ideas may leave you thinking about the role that your soul plays in success. Some people are addicted to a sort of superficial ambition. Under that mindset, pride rules, and the idea of surrender tends to be viewed as a sign of cowardice. Yet Will discusses the idea in an incredibly authentic, thoughtful way. I was thankful that he seized the opportunity to demystify such a grossly misunderstood subject.

    Overall Will is written with heart and authenticity. While reading it, I couldn’t help but think of things such as the importance of focusing as you pursue your goals, determination, spirituality, sacrifice, vulnerability, and more. It isn’t every day you encounter a helluva ride in the form of words that truly inspire introspection.

    And I’m thankful for the chance to have read them.

  • Suicide & Spirituality: A review of something unexpected

    Please note, the book featured in this review discusses sensitive material.

    In I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die, Sarah J. Robinson offers readers an honest, perspective on wrestling with mental health challenges when you’re a person of faith. Specifically, she shares her experiences as someone who has dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts.

    I’m thankful that Robinson discusses medication and therapy in a positive light. In certain religious circles, when mental health issues arise, people like to tell others to “pray on it”—and nothing more. Yet believing in God doesn’t always seem like enough to ease a person’s pain. Not when human beings need solutions for the challenges in our very real, very human lives. As someone who believes in God, I also believe that He provided human beings with the ability to produce mental health supports such as qualified therapists and medication. We have every right to pursue them when necessary.

    I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die was somewhat painful for me to read. But it was also quite beautiful. Above all, I’m thankful for the fact that it takes a thoughtful approach to mental health challenges. People in the church who are and are not affected by these issues should definitely give it a read.

  • Read It!: The Making of Biblical Womanhood

    In The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became the Gospel Truth, Beth Allison Barr takes a stand against the Evangelical status quo’s ideas regarding Biblical femininity. An Evangelical herself, she confronts a truth many are intent on ignoring: men’s power in certain churches rests on folks’ commitment to misinterpreting scriptures. The truth has the power to change religious power structures, and for many, this reality remains uncomfortable.

    As a Medieval scholar and professor, Barr’s perspective is solid. She’s aware of the Bible’s context. She acknowledges the way that both the scriptures and women’s leadership within the church were perceived throughout history. Her evidence-based argument is compelling. At this point those who choose to ignore it seem to have nothing logical to stand on other than their commitment to biased thinking regarding women who love the Lord and have been gifted to lead others.

    If you’re tired of religious-based lies related to women, there’s no doubt that you’ll find this a refreshing read.

  • Read It!: How the One-Armed Sister Sweeps Her House

    This is a spoiler-free book review.

    I don’t know Barbados quite the way that I should.

    I was born and raised in Canada, so why would this bother me?

    Both of my parents are from the Caribbean. I’m half Bajan. I’ve spent my life in North America, and yet, I’ve only actually been there a handful of times.

    Over the past few years, I’ve caught glimpses of Barbados via social media. The images that people share are gorgeous. Yet something about looking at tourists’ photos leaves me with a deep sense of longing. There’s a real life beyond those fabulous filters.

    People love to refer to countries like as Barbados as “paradise”.  But just as it can be dangerous to judge a book by its cover, so it is unwise to judge a country by its reputation. Too often, people take locations that they think of as vacation destinations for granted. On one hand, I realize their perspective comes naturally. I imagine it’s easy to come to certain conclusions if the only time you visit a place is when you’re there to relax.

    On the other, I’ve been concerned. Visitors risk overlooking the fact that real people are born, live out their lives, and even die in places that they tag as “travel goals”. The fact remains that in these desired destinations, real people face real struggles. 

    Never was this more apparent in How the One-Armed Sister Sweeps Her House—a debut novel that is set in the country of my father’s birth.

    I’ve seen One-Armed Sister compared to White Teeth, by Zadie Smith. Dare I say that this comparison is well-deserved? Both are vividly-written debut novels that take their readers for a ride. Both are written by Black women, and are bound to be remembered by all who read them—if not in detail, then certainly in terms of their emotional impact. One-Armed Sister carries readers on a journey via an engrossing story that involves multiple characters whose lives intersect, overlap, and at times painfully collide.

    The world of One-Armed Sister is full of high-stakes human interactions. In that sense, How the One-Armed Sister Sweeps Her House is, undeniably, a character-driven thriller. At its core is an abusive relationship between a couple: Adan and Lala.

    This novel is, indeed, compelling—almost beyond reason. Reading it is often an intense experience. I have no doubt that most readers will be transfixed by its characters. You will care for their welfare. You will likely wonder if it makes any sense to be this concerned about people who only exist in print—then remind yourself that when you come across truly good fiction, this is normal.

    Ms. Jones ability to wield words is enchanting. In her characters’ parlance I could feel the echoes of my relatives. Reader Beware: Due to the nature of her story, her carefully crafted sentences are often full of foreboding. On nearly every page, I found myself feeling a sense of curiosity mingled with dread over what new fate would befall a beloved character.  Yet it was all worth it.

    Overall One-Armed Sister is a great, engrossing read. And as authors go, I definitely look forward to finding out what’s next for Ms. Cherie Jones.

  • Read it!: Big Magic

    I’m trying to get my writing mojo back, and a part of that process for me involves getting caught up on my reading. Simultaneously, I figure it can’t hurt to share what I pick up along the way.

    Last winter I bought a ton of books, but didn’t have time to read them. Fortunately, in 2019, the tables turned.

    Every now and then, I’m going to share with you my insights into the good, bad, and the ugly side of my reading material. And so, whether you’ve read it or not… This time around I’m covering Elizabeth Gilbert’s last book.

    I know I’m late to get on the Elizabeth Gilbert love train. Last year my therapist loaned me her copy of Eat, Pray, Love. (I haven’t finished it, but I need to return it.) Prior to that, though, I first laid my eyes on Elizabeth via one of her TED Talks.

    I thought she had a refreshing take on life and creativity, and when Big Magic was released, the hype was hard to ignore. The subtitle alone was enough to grab my attention: Big Magic – Creative Living Beyond Fear.

    Ohhhhhhh boy, I thought. I NEED this book. Although I think of myself as a creative person, I’ve let fear and procrastination keep me from creating anything substantial for years. (When I think of all the time since I first graduated that I could have spent writing a book, it’s a damn shame.)

    As I approached Big Magic I was curious about Elizabeth’s approach. Within the first few pages, I found it incredibly easy to root for her premise. Regardless of your area of creative interest–whether you’re pursuing the arts, or your drug of choice involves math or science, when you create–when you MAKE something–you are taking a risk and daring to demonstrate your willingness to approach The Unknown. Putting yourself out there is scary. To dare to extend yourself is a powerful thing.

    Ultimately, Big Magic is a prolonged pep-talk. Divided into SIX sections, and at 272 pages, the book’s length combined with its tone made it a quick, comfortable read. Throughout her book’s pages, Elizabeth encourages readers to boldly greet their creativity, embrace, and enjoy it.

    She also includes a few curious concepts. For instance, consider The Shit Sandwich. Whether you’re pursuing your dream full-time or dealing with a day job, in the segment entitled, “Persistence”, Elizabeth asks the ultimate question: “What are you passionate enough about that you can endure the most disagreeable aspects of the work?”

    When I first read those words, I smiled both inside and out. I could truly relate. As my last full-time position came to a close, I found myself questioning everything. Among other things, I actually remember thinking to myself, “None of this is worth it.”

    As the book went on, I found myself supporting just about everything Elizabeth has to say. But there was one exception: In the segment entitled “PERMISSION”, I found her usesing some that really bothered me. Actually, it was beyond bothersome: I found it offensive.

    When it comes to making things, Elizabeth says, “…in the end, it really doesn’t matter that much. Because in the end, it’s just creativity.” I was on high alert after reading that. And that statement wasn’t the only anti-creativity bomb that she dropped.

    Now, to a certain degree, I get it. There are times when people can take their creativity too seriously. As a result of their delusions, creatives can become overly stressed. And a part of me realizes that Elizabeth was probably trying to get certain folks not to worry too much and just enjoy the creative process. That said, regarding making music, Elizabeth wrote that, “Music is nothing more than decoration for the imagination. That’s all it is.”

    And when I read those words, I nearly threw her book away.

    Not only have there have been studies, but there are books that exist about the power of music and the effect that it can have on human beings. Regardless of which resources you choose, the authors’ statements are backed by science.

    Plus there’s the fact that I’ve always taken music personally.

    As a child, my mother sang in church. I remember very little about going to rehearsals with her. But one thing I could never forget is that I used to cry when she sang.

    Music moved me that deeply.

    That level of emotion stirred in my spirit again recently when I was watching a pianist on Instagram–of all places–playing Mozart. (Shoutout to Chloe Flower, Cardi B’s pianist.)

    I’ll spare you from more ranting, but in a nutshell, when people say that art doesn’t matter, it makes my blood boil. And even when I’m not that angry, it makes me struggle to take them seriously.

    Fortunately, after her comments on how unimportant art is, Elizabeth returned to her regular self. She discussed a few other relevant points, including the horrible myth that people buy into which states that artists can only create in the face of personal tragedy.

    In general I felt comforted by Elizabeth’s words. These days, in spite of opportunities to shine brighter, creatives can be plagued with the temptation to doubt their own authenticity. Yet among other things, she reminds us, “…you are already creatively legitimate, by virtue of your existence among us.”

    Overall, Big Magic offers readers lot of common-sense advice in a refreshing package. I enjoyed how Elizabeth framed various aspects of creativity. For instance, at one point she discussed the idea that one’s craft has to be formally studied in order to succeed professionally.

    If you’re a writer, you know the drill. Supposedly, in order to be a writer, you need an MFA, or you MUST go to journalism school. Yet in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

    Would I read Big Magic again? If I have time to, maybe.

    Would I recommend this book?

    Eh…As I said before, It’s a quick, comfortable read. I like Elizabeth Gilbert. She’s seems like the type of person I’d go to lunch with. I like what she has to say about art and inspiration. Big Magic is light, warm, and mentally provocative.

    Yet again, I can’t forget about the passages in “Permission” where she said art was useless. That section threw me off so much that I actually caught myself wondering about the kind of debates Elizabeth might have had with her editor.

    Eventually, Ms. Gilbert encouraged her readers to “relax”. That’s very well and good, but I feel like she could have made her point without using statements that seemed to be so needlessly opposed to the book’s main objective. There are ways to tell people that they shouldn’t take themselves too seriously that don’t involve insulting their calling.

  • Read it!: The Universe Has Your Back

    I can’t begin to tell you how long I’ve wanted to review this book. I finished reading The Universe Has Your Back a long time ago.

    The Universe Has Your Back - Cover

    So what’s kept me from talking about it? Fear.  On one hand you have the fact that I’m spiritually liberal: Religiously speaking, I have a Christian background. I’m familiar with the faith. And I’m still what you would call “spiritual”. Yet I don’t believe Christianity has the only answers regarding God and humanity. Meanwhile a lot of my friends are still traditionally Christian. As I contemplated talking about Gabby Bernstein’s latest read, I could feel their judgement start before I even began.

    But honestly? I’m too old to be afraid of what a bunch of humans think. My soul’s destiny isn’t tied to them.

    Let’s get right into it. The Universe Has Your Back is fantastic. It’s the best book I’ve read about faith in a while. The content isn’t tied to any particular religion, but you can easily apply it to your spiritual path. It addresses God and faith from a general point of view.

    In the book Gabrielle Bernstein addresses one of spirituality’s biggest questions: If God (or the Universe) is as loving as we claim He (it) is, why do we give doubt so much room in our lives? Better yet, how can we banish it?

    The solution seems easy enough.We need to trust and truly believe that Jesus/God/the Universe is there for us. Period. But maintaining an unshakable faith can be challenging. Ms. Bernstein acknowledges this. Yet she also addresses the heart of the struggle, and the key to our success. We need to harness our ability to focus on one of the only things that matter in this life: Love.

    Gabby also addresses the concept of surrender—an idea that people of all spiritual stripes wrestle with. In order to receive from the Universe, we have to be willing to release ourselves from our egos. They can be one hell of a motivator. They can also separate us from what God intended.

    The Universe Has Your Back is chock full of contains meditation and reflection exercises. This is important since the road to spiritual trust isn’t simple. It’s always worthwhile, but it’s a truly humbling process. In order to succeed at it we need to dig in and do the work.

    I’m far from spiritually perfect. I wrestle with the concepts in The Universe Has Your Back all the time. But I’m glad I came across this book. I need to give its concepts the attention they deserve.

    Let the healing begin.

  • Books: See Me After Class

    Books: See Me After Class

    Well, guys. I still want to work in education.

    I’ll tell you about that another time. Long story short–yesterday I had one hell of an epiphany about my career. Last night I went and shopped my basement for teaching books. Thank God I didn’t burn them like I’d once planned. I found most of them. Among the pile, I was happy to see one in particular: See Me After Class by Roxanna Elden.

    seemeafterclass-cover

    This was the first authentic book on teaching that I’d ever read. The teaching-book landscape can be tough. Some volumes can seem polished to the point of stiffness. And don’t get me wrong. Those sort of books have their place.

    Yet that’s not the only thing that new teachers need. When you’re in or out of the classroom and you feel like you’re losing your mind, you need a voice that can offer you perspective. You need someone who knows that classroom management issues don’t correct themselves as magically as they do in the movies.

    I have a ton of other books, like Teaching to Transgress and When Kids Can’t Read. But I think Ms. Elden’s book is going to be the first one that I re-read as I get my mind back on track. Her work covers a variety of scenarios–dealing with colleagues, your “teacher” personality, marking assignments, etc. And of course, there are the myths. Have any of you teachers out there heard the phrase “don’t smile ’til Christmas”? (If you don’t work in education, you should know that some people advise teachers not to smile until before their first major holiday. No doubt, this is supposed to show students that we are serious professionals.)

    Man.

    If I followed that rule, my face would fall off.

    See Me After Class offers readers a realistic look at teaching. I recommend it to anyone who’s new to the profession.

  • Idea: BlackGirlMagic Syllabus

    Idea: BlackGirlMagic Syllabus

    I’m in a season of self-appreciation. As a part of my self-care routine, I know that I need to take care of my mind. And as a Black, female writer, I believe one of the greatest gifts I can give myself is a commitment to reading more books that are by or about* Black women. One night last week it hit me: I need to start a #BlackGirlMagic Syllabus.

    blackgirlmagicsyllabus
    I’m sure this isn’t an original idea. Tons of people read authors who share their background all the time. But as I get closer to myself, I know this is something that I need to keep up. The words of other Black women soothe my spirit.
    This little idea of mine almost makes me wonder. Is there a mode of therapy out there called Healing Through Literature?
    What sort of books speak to your soul?
    *When it comes to diverse books, I know a writer’s approach is critical. Right now I’m reading Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older—an author that I trust.
  • Books: Brazen

    Books: Brazen

    brazen-cover-sept-12-2016I remember when I first read Brazen. After an evening out, my copy was at home waiting for me. Earlier, I’d gone to Paris Lectures–an event where I’d shared some of my dreams in front of a hometown crowd. Since then, I’ve paid close attention to my struggle to keep my aspirations alive.

    Overall, Brazen focuses on the impact that self-doubt can have on us as we pursue our goals. It takes faith to beat a doubtful spirit: Our passions are a gift. We need to cultivate them.

    In Brazen, the author explores the connection between our dreams and the ways that we view and receive God in our lives.

    This book may not be for everyone. Fundamentalists probably won’t like the author’s easygoing tone, or the fact that she mentions yoga. They may even hate that her book is interactive, complete with exercises involving a Brazen Board (the author’s version of a vision board) at the end of each chapter.

    While reading Brazen, I frequently stopped to underline passages. I enjoyed scrawling page numbers at the back of the book, knowing that I would look at them later on. The author offers her readers many rare gems. For instance: One of Brazen’s chapters contains a good, solid word about clutter and self-care. I’d never thought about those two issues related quite in the way the author explained them. Quite honestly, those pages alone would have made Brazen worth its price if I hadn’t gotten my copy for free.

    As far as I’m concerned, Brazen’s author did her job. In this life, you need to be Brazen and honest about what you want. The best way to do that is by being your most authentic, God-given self.

    Disclosure: Brazen has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.