claire.she.goes

Category: status report

  • “Sunday Best”? How about “Best Sunday”.

    Because it was.

    Seriously. This weekend I had one of the best times I’d had in ages.

    (Thank God for good days!)

    I experienced some fellowship and was reminded that there’s definitely more to my journey. I won’t share those details. But I can tell you that I was inspired by two very simple activities…

    1. First, church.

    I know I said I wasn’t going to bother attending any longer. Yet I can’t help feeling that I need to extend myself into my community. Church is familiar to me. I think it’ll make a great start.

    My town has many places of worship. Yesterday morning I went to one I’d never visited. I keep thinking that I ought to spend time in another sanctuary before I settle down. However, I keep chastising myself.

    I don’t want to play


    Source

    The truth is, I actually know of a place that seems like a good fit. And it isn’t where some people might think.

    2. One of our family friends had a birthday party yesterday. I won’t disclose the exact number but s/he has lived to be over 80 years of age. I couldn’t help feeling overjoyed.

    A long life is a blessing.

    On a hilarious note I can tell you that I couldn’t remember how to get to this individual’s house. (It had been that long…)

    I prayed as I walked. I was concerned. I’d walked down one long street and was making my way up another. All the while it was getting dark. Every time I passed a house where it looked remotely as though there was activity inside, I was tempted to go over and knock.

    Finally at the last minute I glanced down a side street. A group of adults was crossing the road. They were headed in one direction.

    Shy but determined, I approached. “Excuse me. Do you know where I could find [Person X’s] house?” I live in an incredibly friendly area. You never know who knows whom. Or what.

    The man I spoke to told me I was right where I needed to be. A weight lifted off my shoulders, and the joy began. 🙂

  • Sometimes, I think I’m living in The Alchemist.

    Sometimes, I think I’m living in The Alchemist.

    You know that book? It’s a tale about someone who goes on a journey to discover his dream. But by the story’s end, he finds his heart’s desire at home.

    Yesterday I went around my hometown and took pictures. After years of running and telling myself that there was no way I could be happy here…I feel as though I’m about to learn otherwise.

  • Hair: An Update

    So it’s been two years since this happened.

    And this is, more or less, how my hair looks today:

    Without shrinkage, it’s at or near my collarbone.

  • Desperation Station


    Source

    I’m still in Toronto. But I’m hanging on by my fingernails to get by.

    And quite frankly, I’m wondering what for.

    Recently someone who knows my story asked me why I wanted to be here so badly.

    My response was simple, but interesting.

    All of the things that I mentioned to her are things that I can enjoy by visiting. I know this for a fact.

    Somewhere in my heart of hearts, I have made a god out of being in Toronto. I’ve become desperate and it has to stop.

    Interestingly enough, the steps I’ve taken to stick around can be undone very easily. Yet one undone there’d be no turning back. And I’d have to implement the next phase of my plan–Claire, The Return.

    Writer, teacher, small-town-creature indeed.

    Which brings my brain back to Toronto.

    How badly do I want to be here?

    Do I NEED to be here?

    Do I honestly want to keep struggling to achieve my goals? (YES, by the way. HOWEVER…)

    When I speak of goals, are my dreams really location-dependent?

    I’ve thought about it and I know perfectly well that they’re not.

    There are people who will be disappointed in me if I leave. Myself included.

    But more for changing my mind than anything else.

  • Dearest Toronto

    You truly are a God-send. I look forward to growing and changing for the better.

    As I look ahead to what I may become, I can’t help having questions about my blog posts. The cheesy posts, the religious posts, the spiritual posts, the silly posts…

    Should I do some more editing? Perhaps some hiding…?

    For now, I say “No.”

    Life is a journey. For better or worse, all of the content herein is, in deed, representative of me.

  • Re: The New Blog

    The other day I got all inspired when I saw Maegan’s blog. Saturday night, I hustled over to Tumblr and tried to set up an account.

    Turns out I already had one. Apparently it’s been up for a long, LONG time.

    So I decided to customize it a bit. And…Here you go.

    Tumblr seems to suit my short attention span. There are folks who offer long blog entries via that site, but overall, it seems useful for posting brief bits of wit and wisdom. Furthermore, I’m in the mood for a new aesthetic.

    Therefore, I’m taking a break from WordPress. I don’t feel like operating two blogs, but I believe a change is in order. I’ll let you know if I decide to change back.

  • The awakening…

    Lately I have felt as though I have fallen off of life’s road and into a ditch somewhere. (Or perhaps I’ve felt it for a while, but am just now realizing it…?) There are things that God wants me to see, that I have ignored. There are things that I have written and wanted to post, but haven’t bothered…

    I’m in a bit of a funk, and have come to recognize that I need to take care of my offline real self.

    I’ve been thinking about this all along, but things really came to a head over the last few days…Last Friday, I went back to my hometown for a mini staycation. By the time Monday came, I did not want to come back to Toronto(!).

    Not permanently. But just…For a while.

    I was feeling under the weather, but there was something more at play.

    As with most people women(?) I notice that I have an unfortunate habit. I love helping others. Yet I often leave myself undone.

    That cannot continue. I’m getting older (33). There’s only one of me in this world. I ought to treat myself better. God wants me to give myself the respect I deserve, and…Heaven knows, I’ve been overdue for some self-love.

    *sigh*

    Until next time…

  • I *heart* my mom.

    Just checking my email. My mom reads my blog. She caught the recent post that I wrote in response to POV. In a message, mi madre wrote–and I’m not kidding…

    You know, I wonder, seriously, if all that time/energy would not benefit you more …if you were putting it into…say…writing a chapter for your Book.

    LOL.

    So, so true. I have other projects that I need to take care of!

    🙂

    Yet writing–whether online or offline–is cathartic for me. It’s hope. It’s healing.

    I have a burning need to express myself. It’s almost a sort of madness.

    Dear Mom (And Others),

    Don’t worry. I do write other things. Why, just last night I wrote some heartfelt lyrics. I only pray that God gives me the chords to go with ’em. 😉

    xo Claire

  • Hair Update

    I’ve twisted it again. Had to, for the sake of my soul’s sanity.

    I intend to leave them in this time…We’ll see how far I get. Especially as this must be the fifth or sixth time I’ve done my hair this way since last October.

    Oh…When I think of how long and funky my hair could have been if I’d just left it alone since then…

    *shakes head*

    😉