PodPost, status report

Mic Fright?

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Dear Reader,

I thought I’d give you a bit of an update on one of my projects—the claire.she.goes podcast. I’ve been working at it sporadically over the past few years, and I’ve been thinking about taking things to the next level.

If you were at last month’s Paris Lectures event, you already know some of this story. If not, bear with me.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about my podcast. A little while ago I decided that I wanted to engage in dynamic storytelling. One way of doing that is to include interviews on my show. I felt inspired to start a series, but hit a huge roadblock.

Something happened shortly after I began booking appointments. I recorded my first interview, but things didn’t work out.

Firstly, I had a technical issue. My setup was somehow off, and only my side of the conversation got recorded. Secondly, something significant went on that I couldn’t ignore. It was a Friday when I tried to record that ruined interview. Would you believe that as soon as I pressed record, I started to develop a pain in my chest?

It didn’t leave me until over 24 hours later.

After that, I cancelled the other interview that I had planned. I decided instead to focus on email-based conversations.

And yet…In spite of my body’s behaviour, I knew what I wanted and STILL want to achieve.

I put my game face on and went to Paris Lectures. It was a special evening. Normally presenters are invited to chat in front of the audience and share information about their pet projects. However, in the weeks before I showed up, folks were allowed to submit to present in front of their peers. I was one of them.

I spoke about my podcast—my dreams, but also my discomfort.

That night, I felt inspired to start interviewing some of my town’s locals. We have a lot of very talented, interesting people around. I figured, ”Why not?!?”

I began to reach out and emailed a few folks.

At first, I felt fine.

THEN, as I started to think more seriously about making arrangements, something uncomfortably familiar happened. I began to feel sick to my stomach.

I realize thanks to editing you might not be able to tell, but when I record my shows, I’m very, VERY nervous. In spite of this, a part of me is determined. I believe I have something to offer the world of podcasting. Hence, my physical reaction doesn’t make any sense. Not even to me.

So what am I doing about it?

Moving forward.

Last week I recorded an interview and I survived. I think it helped that I told myself over and over again, ”It’s just a conversation, Claire.”

Because really, that’s all a good interview is. A conversation.

As I edited my latest episode, I felt myself becoming critical.

You could’ve been more confident, Claire. Why’d you have to laugh so hard?!?

On and on I could have gone, but in the end it means nothing. Especially in light of where I now stand: At the threshold of possibility.

Really. In spite of any lingering sense of fear, I feel like I could talk to anyone!

I’m a great writer. I can become a great interviewer.

What else have I learned…?

Don’t be afraid to look your dreams in the eye. Give them the attention they deserve.

Also, in your journey as a creator, give yourself room to grow. I firmly believe that can only come by owning your awkwardness and accepting your limits…

So you can CRUSH them.

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Here’s to 2014.

2014

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I look back and think of what was, know in my heart what is, and look ahead…Knowing what I want my future to look like.

I won’t share many of my resolutions with you. However, I know that in order to achieve my goals, I need to embrace discipline and self-care. And fear has never been my friend.

At the very least, I need to let go of procrastination. Right now I’m working on a project that’s due on Monday. I started a couple of days ago, and although I’ve dragged my feet a bit…I’m determined! I had a knot in my stomach when I realized I could have started sooner. I don’t want it to rise up again in the form of a knot on Sunday night, fuelled by my having done next-to-nothing.

A part of me also knows that I need to temper my hunger for information. It’s easy to waste hours using Google or social media to quench this part of me. Both outlets fascinate me, but I need to remember the difference between satisfying curiosity and mindless binging.

Furthermore, a month or so ago, a friend sent me an important message. In the aftermath of her words, I let their meaning sink in. Sometimes when quiet moments come, I don’t appreciate them.

Now…I haven’t spent much time trying to understand the buzz around leaning in. But I know that leaning out–extending myself to be constantly in touch with others or technology–can leave me empty. This year I want to spend more time appreciating quiet moments. In chasing them away, I risk losing an opportunity.

Henceforth, when chances to learn more about myself come, I plan to embrace them and not run away.

We’ll see how everything unfolds…

Happy New Year!

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Ready to STRETCH?

No, I’m not talking about my post-exercise routine. (Hi, Lisa! 😉 )

I’m referring to this entry from The Daily Love.

I’ve been thinking more and more about the future of this site.

I’m considering things like taking on a photo-dependent theme. On one hand, I love the idea because my posts will look amazing.

On the other, I’m scared because if I follow through, I’ll have to take or dig up a pic every time I find something I want to share.

In this way I’ll be doing what Mastin referred to. Stretching. In the end, it could be worth it. Even if the thought terrifies me.

(Yes, I have ideas that I’m not talking about. Never you mind what they may be….)

Of course if I start changing things around here…And I’m considering the bigger picture…Working on the blog will require WORKING on the blog. Consistent posts. No slacking.

I can’t help but wonder if I’ve enjoyed leisurely posting too long. It’s all too easy to disappear whenever I like.

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News/How I’m doin’. ;)

1. A few hours ago (this post was written after midnight) I discovered something absolutely, incredibly wonderful…Purely by accident.

Seriously. It was weird.

Imagine going into the kitchen for some random food, only to learn that someone baked you a pie. But not just any pie…

Your FAVOURITE pie.

Now…imagine feeling that thrill multiplied by at least 1000 times. 😀

I won’t offer any details just yet. But I’m truly ecstatic. It’s been a while since I’ve had something this big to be thankful for. A part of me feels as though I’ve experienced one of life’s wonders. I’m truly thankful to God for His gifts.

Here’s a song to celebrate.

*ahem*

There’s one aspect of this news that I need help with. Rather than tell you outright what it is, I’m going to take a cue from a post that I read on another blog, and ask you to pray without revealing any specifics.

Somehow, though…I feel uplifted and confident about the outcome of this impending phase of life. I will let you know how everything goes.

2. I think the spell has finally been broken. You know. The one where I write and work on bits and pieces and never submit anything?


Wha…? You don’t know…?

Well…That’s over. I’ve been wrestling with fear lately. And I think I’m learning how to give it a proper arse-kicking.

I’ve come to accept writing as my divine vocation. There are a variety of things that have made it very clear to me that I have to see it as my J-O-B.

I mean…I think this is something that I’ve always known. But accepted…?

Nah.

Our gifts were not meant to be held so tightly. Rather, I think we ought to give them away.

Or sell ’em, if we can. 😉

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“You want fame? Well fame costs.”

Anyone else remember this intro?

Just me, then? Ok…

*cries young-old-lady tears*

Screw fame. I want freedom. The kind that comes from personal liberation. I want the dreams that burn inside my soul to become reality.

Today’s theme is perseverance. Play this in the background if you want:

It’s as though something divine is pushing me forward, asking me to ask more of myself.

Little changes are slipping into my routine. I’ve recently started waking up to jog while it’s still dark. I get a workout, and I’m done before the rest of my day begins.

Ultimately, I feel like God is setting things up for me in a way that says, “If you want X, you’d better be prepared to Y.” That is, if “Y” equals “work my ass off”.

Still, the old demons are doing their thing. Fear and disorganization can be ruthless.

And yet everything is telling me to make way for the life that I want. All I need is the discipline to tear down the wall to get to the other side.

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self-care/self-aware, status report

Bad Blogger.


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Random thoughts coming through…

If writing really is my thing, shouldn’t I be posting more often?

Last weekend I had a blast. I was all set to share my adventures and then…Next to nada. Barely a peep.

But I tweeted like a mofo–if anyone actually cares.

In the meantime, I’ve been concerned about how I’ve been using my time. I have important things to do, and I’ve been procrastinating…

Interestingly enough, recently someone in my feed mentioned a quote that said something like “perfectionism leads to procrastination…”

I need to get past being obsessed with perfection. It’s all too easy to let fear stop you in your tracks. Instead, I’m going to hone in on authenticity. Everything else is bound to follow.

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“Sunday Best”? How about “Best Sunday”.

Because it was.

Seriously. This weekend I had one of the best times I’d had in ages.

(Thank God for good days!)

I experienced some fellowship and was reminded that there’s definitely more to my journey. I won’t share those details. But I can tell you that I was inspired by two very simple activities…

1. First, church.

I know I said I wasn’t going to bother attending any longer. Yet I can’t help feeling that I need to extend myself into my community. Church is familiar to me. I think it’ll make a great start.

My town has many places of worship. Yesterday morning I went to one I’d never visited. I keep thinking that I ought to spend time in another sanctuary before I settle down. However, I keep chastising myself.

I don’t want to play


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The truth is, I actually know of a place that seems like a good fit. And it isn’t where some people might think.

2. One of our family friends had a birthday party yesterday. I won’t disclose the exact number but s/he has lived to be over 80 years of age. I couldn’t help feeling overjoyed.

A long life is a blessing.

On a hilarious note I can tell you that I couldn’t remember how to get to this individual’s house. (It had been that long…)

I prayed as I walked. I was concerned. I’d walked down one long street and was making my way up another. All the while it was getting dark. Every time I passed a house where it looked remotely as though there was activity inside, I was tempted to go over and knock.

Finally at the last minute I glanced down a side street. A group of adults was crossing the road. They were headed in one direction.

Shy but determined, I approached. “Excuse me. Do you know where I could find [Person X’s] house?” I live in an incredibly friendly area. You never know who knows whom. Or what.

The man I spoke to told me I was right where I needed to be. A weight lifted off my shoulders, and the joy began. 🙂

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