claire.she.goes

Category: self-care/self-aware

  • Don’t use news to abuse.

    I’ve tried to stay away from social media over the past several weeks. Although I click  on a tweet every now and then when I see it in an article, for the most part, I’ve succeeded. But a few days ago, I noticed that I’ve been drawn to something else. For, although I’ve tried to keep my distance from the Land of Likes, I’ve become a little too fond of my News app.

    Have you ever caught yourself doomscrolling for information on everything from the world’s wars to the weather?

    I have.

    The other day, I asked myself a few questions.

    My addiction to the news is an extension of my addiction to social media. What is being fed in my soul when I’m updating myself on the lives of all these people who have nothing to do with me? How is that actually helping me as an individual adult, alive, here and now?

    Newsflash: It’s not.

    Be careful out there. And above all, be kind to yourself.

    Photo via CreateHER Stock Photos

  • Stop running.

    like-yourself

    I remember the day when those words, directed at me, hung in the air. They had been said randomly. If anyone else had uttered them, I think I would have been angry. But the speaker knew me. Not as well as I think they should, but somehow, well enough.

    “You don’t like yourself.”

    After hearing that sentence, another person might have been mad. But I was curious.

    How could this person be so sure? What were they seeing?

    Sometime last year when I was thinking about authentic self care, I realized something. There are a ton of things that I can do in order to feel whole. But do I invest in them? How do I feel about honouring my most sacred gift: myself?

    While wondering this, something else hit me. I’ve been meaning to delve into this topic for ages, but have only scratched the surface.

    Why have I avoided talking about self-care?

    Am I afraid to be still in my own skin? It’s hard for me not to think so. It’s even harder for me to admit that. But the first step in solving a problem is recognizing that you have one. So here I am.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_K5r4uvaIo

    I’ve been running away from myself for a long time. That needs to change. And slowly but surely, it will.

  • You’ve earned it.

    WaterWomanNot too long ago, I applied for a position as a blogger on another web site. In the application, I had the opportunity to select a subject to write on. Which option did I choose? Self care.

    Interestingly enough, soon after I submitted my application, I panicked. How could I write with authority on self-care? I mean, sure, I know it’s important to exercise, but when was the last time I worked out regularly? And my sleep schedule? HA!

    I could go on, but in short, I felt like a fraud. How could I possibly proffer myself as a self-care pundit when my own practice was in the toilet?

    This question made me take a closer look at my general attitude towards taking care of myself. There’s no denying that I know everything that I should be doing in order to be at my best. So why haven’t I given myself the treatment I deserve? After all, like the slogan says, I’m worth it.

    That’s when it hit me. My relationship with self-care came down to one simple thing.

    Belief.

    Specifically, the belief that I, Claire, can and should be kind to myself. Proper self-care is more than a way that I can show myself a little love. It’s is something I deserve.

    In fact, I think that that last point is the one that too many of us struggle with. Not too long ago I saw a sign that said

    GOD FIRST

    OTHERS SECOND

    ME LAST

    (emphasis added)

    Mind you, this was supposed to be an inspirational sign. Yet its words left me cold. When it comes to the grand hierarchy of priorities, there are times when others have be taken care of first. Yet constantly giving to everyone else without attempting to secure your own stability can be dangerous.

    Self-neglect can lead to imbalance and burnout. And once those demons take hold, how can we be expected to find the strength to serve others?

    We have the right to care for ourselves. Doing so isn’t selfish. It’s a matter of survival. And it doesn’t have to be hard. A day at the spa is lovely, but how often do we stop to take an extra breath when we’re in a rush?

    In order to put our best selves forward every day, I’m convinced of one thing. Proper self-care needs to be a priority. But it can only be valued once we understand it’s not a luxury, but our birthright.

    Photo Credit

  • Prepared.

    Lately I’ve felt a push to get myself ready for something.

    It’s come on naturally. It’s as though my soul knows I need to fill a space that’s always existed…Yet it’s somewhere that I’ve never been.

    These days, in spite of all the times I’ve tried and failed, my talk about self-care has begun to take hold. I’ve been making a greater effort to treat myself well. (Who knew that it was work?)

    I need to be ready.

    But for what?

    My first instinct is to say that I haven’t got a clue what I’m getting ready for, but under my skin, I know.

    I’m still a dreamer. Deep down I’m thinking about the days when my heart’s desires turn into reality.

    As you think about your future, ask yourself:

    Do you know what’s coming your way?

    Are you prepared?

  • Hey, Hustlers!!

    Yesterday I went to the Fourth Annual How She Hustles Brunch. A post on that event is coming. It was a beautiful, powerful gathering.

    While I was there, this video came to mind:

    Remember, ladies–AND gentlemen: There’s no shame in taking care of yourself.

    How can you be at your best if you don’t give yourself a chance?

  • No room for selfies?

    Remember Afrobella’s words of wisdom? You know. From a few posts ago…

    These days–for reasons that I don’t care to get into–I know that on some level I’m supposed to be preoccupied with my “brand”. I’ve tried picking a photo of myself and sticking it on every social media site that I own. However, lately something’s come over me.

    I don’t want the life that I live to be all about me.

    …This feeling has come at an interesting time. In spite of this sudden desire for modesty, lately I feel as though I’ve been learning to truly appreciate myself.

    Yet not too long ago I was looking at one of my pics. And I couldn’t stand seeing it.

    I know what I look like. My friends have seen me before.

    Maybe it was the shot.

    Who knows?

    But there’s a fine line between subtle self-promotion and being self-serving. And I intend to figure it out.

  • Your mind matters.

    bell_lavie
    Source

    Today is “Let’s Talk” day. Bell Canada is giving 5 cents to mental health initiatives nationwide for–among other things–every tweet using the hashtag #BellLetsTalk. Check out their campaign’s web site for further details.

    Their tweets have appeared more than once in my timeline, and I’ve retweeted messages as I see fit. I’ve even tweeted a couple of my own.

    Yet I’ll admit something. Even though I support the cause, I cringe over the phrase “mental illness”. (It’s a bias of mine, but it’s there.) I believe I resist mainly because of the misconceptions attached to the phrase. Furthermore, in my head there’s still a difference between a person needing help with their mental health, and them having a (serious) mental illness. Both issues obviously relate to each other. Yet I’m concerned that generally speaking, the idea of preserving a person’s mental health is overlooked.

    Instead, I tend to talk about “mental health” and place it on the same plane as our physical well-being–underestimated, yet essential.

    The fact is, though, that some people reject the idea of seeking therapy for the very same thing that I’m guilty of–the assumptions surrounding the word. They may believe that time in a counselor’s office belongs to folks with big-name illnesses such as schizophrenia. They might think that taking care of one’s mental health is tantamount to admitting that they’re “crazy”. However, those who subscribe to these beliefs often fail to consider people who struggle in quiet ways. Some of us may have anxiety-based issues, or may still bear scars from a tragedy that we experienced ages ago.

    The expectation of invincibility needs to end. We are all vulnerable in different ways. Some more than others.

    And there is nothing wrong with admitting that you might need a little help.

  • Wherein Danielle LaPorte states the obvious.


    That image is from a screenshot of Danielle’s site. You can read her entire post here.

    I tell ya. I’ve been looking for ways to break out of my shell. One of the things that’s kept me from making more videos and podcasts is the fact that I’m often socially awkward. I’m definitely afraid of public speaking, or speaking up in general.

    (If we’re friends IRL, then bless you. You’re one of the few people that I feel truly comfortable communicating with. Because otherwise, I think I’m a disaster.)

    I’ve been thinking about how to do a better job of getting my point across. Friends like Lisa know my struggle. A little while ago she sent me this awesome blog post.

    The point is that I know I need to do a better job of expressing myself. I’m over 30, and I’m tired of being bound by self-imposed chains.

    That’s why I’m glad that Danielle always keeps it real on her blog.

    The other day in my inbox I received a bulletin for…I think they called it a confidence seminar. I can’t remember the exact cost. But believe me when I tell you that it was over $100 per ticket.

    (I don’t mean to disrespect people who need to attend these type of events. I mean, honestly. I’m a part of their target audience.)

    But you know what’s a whole lot cheaper than a seminar?

    PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE.

    Get out of the house. Force yourself to socialize with people. Look at your community’s events calendar. Find groups of folks who are getting together and doing activities that interest you.

    I’ve started going to church again. And I’m not going to lie. While the the spiritual aspects touch me, I really could use the social interaction.

    Overall, though, I don’t mean to be disrespectful. There are people who need a mental awakening in order to improve their mental health.

    Interestingly enough, I grew up in a denomination whose forefathers frowned on psychology. To this day I wonder why. The fact is that some people need prompting from others in order to see their circumstances clearly. At the same time, I think that we humans need to be careful. Many of us have become a little too addicted to turning to others to solve our problems.

    That’s why I think it’s important to proceed with caution. Quite often people can improve themselves simply by tweaking their routines and stepping outside of the box.

  • Amen.

     

    Lately I’ve begun to admit some things to myself. Mainly about what I really want out of life, and where I want to be. Not only geographically, but personally.

    When it comes to my health, I am realizing more of what I attempted to deny when I was younger. I was never much for wild parties, but I didn’t treat myself well. I like to believe that I have maintained an average-to-healthy diet–but the memory of some rather frequent junk-food binges keeps getting in the way.  And a great deal of time that ought to have been spent sleeping has been wasted staying up doing “research”–aka, satisfying my petty curiosity–on the internet.

    Well, friends, let me tell you…

    Few–if any–real real problems can be solved by staying up past 9pm to surf the web.  If I get the urge to find out how to make Random Recipe X at half past 11, there’s an excellent chance that I will be able to find that information at a decent hour the next day.

    I am learning that I can slow down and take care of myself. And that I ought to because I am precious and a deserving soul.

    I am beginning to recognize the obvious. And even though this revelation seems long overdue, I am thankful that it has come.

    The only trick now is to remember it.

  • I feel pretty? Adventures in cosmetics.

    From a couple of weeks ago…

    Something interesting is happening to me.

    I notice that I’m becoming vain in my old age.

    A couple of weeks ago I purchased some nail polish.

    Earlier this week I put it on.

    That photo doesn’t quite capture the colour properly.

    FYI, it’s a shade called “sole mate” by essie. There’s a bit of bleeding, but I don’t think I did too badly. Days later I keep looking at my fingers, checking for chipped ends.

    Oh! And here’s a tip: I think the key to using coloured polish (as opposed to the clear stuff) is layering. After one coat, my nails looked fuchsia. It took two for them to look closer to the purple-y plum in the bottle.

    Moving further up my body…Over the past couple of days I’ve put on a full face of make-up featuring this:

    It’s Lineur Intense from L’Oreal. I received a free sample from them ages ago. (Back then, they wanted me to review their lengthening mascara. More on that some other time.)

    At first I didn’t use it because the thought of liquid liner intimidated me. My first stroke was a big, fat fail. But like all things, practice makes perfect. And less is more. I figure after a few days of putting on this stuff I should be an old pro. Or at least–comfortable.

    I’m actually amused by the fact that I’ve been spontaneously putting more energy into trying to figure out makeup. As I applied my eyeliner I found myself paying attention to variables such as the size and shape of my eyes.

    I don’t know what’s going on. It’s as though somehow my superficial self is waking up to the material aspects of womanhood. LOL.

    Wish me luck!