claire.she.goes

Category: status report

  • Still here? Why do I keep blogging?

    Still here? Why do I keep blogging?

    Behind the scenes on this website, I’ve been doing some restructuring. This led to me looking up the very first post that I shared, which in turn led to me realizing how old this blog really is.

    And, yikes. It’s been a small lifetime! A child and family likely would have been a wiser investment of my time.

    But let me continue my thoughts from my post on Monique Judge’s article…

    I remember, I was around 6 or 7 when I knew I was supposed to be a writer. Maybe younger.

    When I was in school, I wrote and read aloud a story about a little alien. As I recall, the alien’s experience was supposed to be analogous to mine. Some time later–or perhaps before that, who knows?–my teacher chastised me over a little book that I’d made. I think she even called it “nonsense”.

    She was so confident in her decision to dismiss me. Yet whether someone is an adult or a child, the vision that’s given to them about their destiny isn’t necessarily anyone else’s. As I’ve seen various pastors say, “God’s calling on your life wasn’t a conference call. Others don’t have to have heard it!” Meaning, people who know about your dreams may think they’re are crazy–even loved ones. But never mind what they think: Your dreams are yours and no one else’s.

    Whether I love or loathe the process, I know that I was born to write. I’m still here, and I have the keen sense that my true purpose has yet to be fulfilled. And I’ll never know what my true destiny is if I don’t continue to explore my talents. That’s why I’m thankful for this website: It makes a fine place to play!

  • Blog Backlog?

    Image by Peter Pryharski on Unsplash

    Dear Reader(s),

    The past few years have been interesting. I’ve had a lot to say about some of my favourite subjects. Although I’ve tried other platforms, I’ve done most of my writing offline and kept it to myself.

    The brave part of me wants to throw caution to the wind and share everything—or at least as much as I can. Yet the frightened part of me insists on doing nothing.

    Thankfully, I know I wasn’t meant to keep my words to myself. At the very least, I owe you a ton of book reviews. Not sharing my work has felt like a burden. And in the days to come, I hope to set myself free.

  • Mic Fright?

    Snowball
    Source

    Dear Reader,

    I thought I’d give you a bit of an update on one of my projects—the claire.she.goes podcast. I’ve been working at it sporadically over the past few years, and I’ve been thinking about taking things to the next level.

    If you were at last month’s Paris Lectures event, you already know some of this story. If not, bear with me.

    I’ve been thinking a great deal about my podcast. A little while ago I decided that I wanted to engage in dynamic storytelling. One way of doing that is to include interviews on my show. I felt inspired to start a series, but hit a huge roadblock.

    Something happened shortly after I began booking appointments. I recorded my first interview, but things didn’t work out.

    Firstly, I had a technical issue. My setup was somehow off, and only my side of the conversation got recorded. Secondly, something significant went on that I couldn’t ignore. It was a Friday when I tried to record that ruined interview. Would you believe that as soon as I pressed record, I started to develop a pain in my chest?

    It didn’t leave me until over 24 hours later.

    After that, I cancelled the other interview that I had planned. I decided instead to focus on email-based conversations.

    And yet…In spite of my body’s behaviour, I knew what I wanted and STILL want to achieve.

    I put my game face on and went to Paris Lectures. It was a special evening. Normally presenters are invited to chat in front of the audience and share information about their pet projects. However, in the weeks before I showed up, folks were allowed to submit to present in front of their peers. I was one of them.

    I spoke about my podcast—my dreams, but also my discomfort.

    That night, I felt inspired to start interviewing some of my town’s locals. We have a lot of very talented, interesting people around. I figured, ”Why not?!?”

    I began to reach out and emailed a few folks.

    At first, I felt fine.

    THEN, as I started to think more seriously about making arrangements, something uncomfortably familiar happened. I began to feel sick to my stomach.

    I realize thanks to editing you might not be able to tell, but when I record my shows, I’m very, VERY nervous. In spite of this, a part of me is determined. I believe I have something to offer the world of podcasting. Hence, my physical reaction doesn’t make any sense. Not even to me.

    So what am I doing about it?

    Moving forward.

    Last week I recorded an interview and I survived. I think it helped that I told myself over and over again, ”It’s just a conversation, Claire.”

    Because really, that’s all a good interview is. A conversation.

    As I edited my latest episode, I felt myself becoming critical.

    You could’ve been more confident, Claire. Why’d you have to laugh so hard?!?

    On and on I could have gone, but in the end it means nothing. Especially in light of where I now stand: At the threshold of possibility.

    Really. In spite of any lingering sense of fear, I feel like I could talk to anyone!

    I’m a great writer. I can become a great interviewer.

    What else have I learned…?

    Don’t be afraid to look your dreams in the eye. Give them the attention they deserve.

    Also, in your journey as a creator, give yourself room to grow. I firmly believe that can only come by owning your awkwardness and accepting your limits…

    So you can CRUSH them.

  • Here’s to 2014.

    2014

    Source

    I look back and think of what was, know in my heart what is, and look ahead…Knowing what I want my future to look like.

    I won’t share many of my resolutions with you. However, I know that in order to achieve my goals, I need to embrace discipline and self-care. And fear has never been my friend.

    At the very least, I need to let go of procrastination. Right now I’m working on a project that’s due on Monday. I started a couple of days ago, and although I’ve dragged my feet a bit…I’m determined! I had a knot in my stomach when I realized I could have started sooner. I don’t want it to rise up again in the form of a knot on Sunday night, fuelled by my having done next-to-nothing.

    A part of me also knows that I need to temper my hunger for information. It’s easy to waste hours using Google or social media to quench this part of me. Both outlets fascinate me, but I need to remember the difference between satisfying curiosity and mindless binging.

    Furthermore, a month or so ago, a friend sent me an important message. In the aftermath of her words, I let their meaning sink in. Sometimes when quiet moments come, I don’t appreciate them.

    Now…I haven’t spent much time trying to understand the buzz around leaning in. But I know that leaning out–extending myself to be constantly in touch with others or technology–can leave me empty. This year I want to spend more time appreciating quiet moments. In chasing them away, I risk losing an opportunity.

    Henceforth, when chances to learn more about myself come, I plan to embrace them and not run away.

    We’ll see how everything unfolds…

    Happy New Year!

  • Thanks, Beyoncé!

    Because it’s easy to forget yourself…
    http://youtu.be/PScoegrbDXM

    This song isn’t only danceable–it puts a smile on my face whenever I hear it.

  • Ready to STRETCH?

    No, I’m not talking about my post-exercise routine. (Hi, Lisa! 😉 )

    I’m referring to this entry from The Daily Love.

    I’ve been thinking more and more about the future of this site.

    I’m considering things like taking on a photo-dependent theme. On one hand, I love the idea because my posts will look amazing.

    On the other, I’m scared because if I follow through, I’ll have to take or dig up a pic every time I find something I want to share.

    In this way I’ll be doing what Mastin referred to. Stretching. In the end, it could be worth it. Even if the thought terrifies me.

    (Yes, I have ideas that I’m not talking about. Never you mind what they may be….)

    Of course if I start changing things around here…And I’m considering the bigger picture…Working on the blog will require WORKING on the blog. Consistent posts. No slacking.

    I can’t help but wonder if I’ve enjoyed leisurely posting too long. It’s all too easy to disappear whenever I like.

  • Watch This.

    http://youtu.be/ltun92DfnPY

    I sent a tweet to Shane Koyczan to let him know how I felt about his poem. Truly, it touched me.

    When I was little, I was one of very few non-white kids in my school. The main thing I remember about that time was that I was teased. A lot. When I recall those days, I still get a knot in my chest.

  • News/How I’m doin’. ;)

    1. A few hours ago (this post was written after midnight) I discovered something absolutely, incredibly wonderful…Purely by accident.

    Seriously. It was weird.

    Imagine going into the kitchen for some random food, only to learn that someone baked you a pie. But not just any pie…

    Your FAVOURITE pie.

    Now…imagine feeling that thrill multiplied by at least 1000 times. 😀

    I won’t offer any details just yet. But I’m truly ecstatic. It’s been a while since I’ve had something this big to be thankful for. A part of me feels as though I’ve experienced one of life’s wonders. I’m truly thankful to God for His gifts.

    Here’s a song to celebrate.

    *ahem*

    There’s one aspect of this news that I need help with. Rather than tell you outright what it is, I’m going to take a cue from a post that I read on another blog, and ask you to pray without revealing any specifics.

    Somehow, though…I feel uplifted and confident about the outcome of this impending phase of life. I will let you know how everything goes.

    2. I think the spell has finally been broken. You know. The one where I write and work on bits and pieces and never submit anything?


    Wha…? You don’t know…?

    Well…That’s over. I’ve been wrestling with fear lately. And I think I’m learning how to give it a proper arse-kicking.

    I’ve come to accept writing as my divine vocation. There are a variety of things that have made it very clear to me that I have to see it as my J-O-B.

    I mean…I think this is something that I’ve always known. But accepted…?

    Nah.

    Our gifts were not meant to be held so tightly. Rather, I think we ought to give them away.

    Or sell ’em, if we can. 😉

  • “You want fame? Well fame costs.”

    Anyone else remember this intro?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lL4PKX0bYM

    Just me, then? Ok…

    *cries young-old-lady tears*

    Screw fame. I want freedom. The kind that comes from personal liberation. I want the dreams that burn inside my soul to become reality.

    Today’s theme is perseverance. Play this in the background if you want:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x65gdeSg464

    It’s as though something divine is pushing me forward, asking me to ask more of myself.

    Little changes are slipping into my routine. I’ve recently started waking up to jog while it’s still dark. I get a workout, and I’m done before the rest of my day begins.

    Ultimately, I feel like God is setting things up for me in a way that says, “If you want X, you’d better be prepared to Y.” That is, if “Y” equals “work my ass off”.

    Still, the old demons are doing their thing. Fear and disorganization can be ruthless.

    And yet everything is telling me to make way for the life that I want. All I need is the discipline to tear down the wall to get to the other side.

  • Bad Blogger.


    Source

    Random thoughts coming through…

    If writing really is my thing, shouldn’t I be posting more often?

    Last weekend I had a blast. I was all set to share my adventures and then…Next to nada. Barely a peep.

    But I tweeted like a mofo–if anyone actually cares.

    In the meantime, I’ve been concerned about how I’ve been using my time. I have important things to do, and I’ve been procrastinating…

    Interestingly enough, recently someone in my feed mentioned a quote that said something like “perfectionism leads to procrastination…”

    I need to get past being obsessed with perfection. It’s all too easy to let fear stop you in your tracks. Instead, I’m going to hone in on authenticity. Everything else is bound to follow.